Christmas with the family: 3 men tell how they deal with remarks about their bodies

Christmas is fast approaching and with it, the endless meals, the champagne bubbles that go to your head and the potentially unpleasant remarks from relatives more or less close. Too fat, too bearded, too thin, too tattooed... Justin, Francis* and Clément told us about their family meals and how they deal with remarks about their physical appearance.

Francis, 25 years old, looking for a job in web development

"At family dinners, I am regularly criticized about my appearance, either because I am overweight or because some people think my beard is too long. It's all "you look like a terrorist" comments, that kind of thing. I try to explain that it's my style and that I'm free to decide what I do with my beard, but it's a pain in the ass, especially since it's so repetitive. We discussed it with my parents, I told them I wouldn't change and they noticed that their criticisms had no effect because I didn't take them into account. They now don't need to comment and respect my style, but other parents further away do. Fortunately this year, I know that at Christmas I'll be pretty much in the clear because I had to trim my beard recently for a job interview. As for my weight, I would indeed like to lose a few pounds and I accept some rather benevolent and constructive advice, such as helping me to start a diet or to start exercising. But some remarks are not pleasant to hear, especially when someone tells me that "I was better before" or that "that's why I can't find a girlfriend"... In these cases, I prefer to ignore rather than get into an argument. And then now, we avoid angry topics during the holidays."

Justin, 25, urban planner

"I was overweight until I was 22, at which time I lost quite a bit of weight. I'm from Alsace and in my family we eat rich things. Everyone is plump and quite corpulent. As soon as my face got thinner, I got a lot of comments, especially during the holidays because that's usually when we get together. I'm an only child and I don't have any cousins, so the eyes are really on me in my family. There was a lot of talk about how I wasn't eating enough, and I was regularly told "Oh my God, what happened; is he eating enough meat; is it the stress of finals?"... But it's not true, I love to eat and cook good products, I don't deprive myself. Strangely enough, from the moment I started working, making my own choices and being financially independent, this family relationship has completely changed. Since then, when I explain that I am better off this way and that I feel good, people finally listen to me. I recently bleached my hair and put a pink highlight on it: when I visited my grandmother she thought it was funny, whereas before it could have been a problem. Of course, at parties I will continue to be served Bäckehoffe until I explode, but now people understand me."

Clement, 28, looking for a job

"I got my first tattoo shortly after I turned 18. It was on my shoulder, so it was hidden under my shirt and no one noticed it at family dinners. Then I tattooed more and more visible parts of my body like my forearms, my phalanges and my neck. I also experimented with different hair colors, I got piercings... Little by little, I felt the looks change, I had the impression of being looked down upon and despised. People would make little remarks to me in an insidious way or in a humorous way, but they never talked to me directly. Last Christmas, my uncle was sitting on my right and spent the entire meal staring at the tattoo on my neck, and everyone noticed. As these stares became more pronounced, a distance began to develop with some of my family members that I almost never see anymore. Fortunately, my parents and grandparents came to terms with this over time. They started by asking me a few questions about it in an innocent way, and we discussed it. The democratization of tattooing also played a role, in my village alone, the number of tattooed people has increased a lot and it has become commonplace. Now they know it's part of me and just enjoy the fact that we're together."

* First name has been changed